The Method

The Developmental Model 

The model from the Couples Institute is formed around the idea that there different stages of development within a relationship. Time does not necessarily dictate a stage. My goal is to help you get unstuck from the stage, deepen your understanding of yourself and increase empathy for your partner. 

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Key concepts of the model are: differentiation, attachment theory, and experiential learning. 

• Differentiation: The concept of differentiation from others is not a new theory. The ideal goal of being differentiated is to be able to hold your own identity while also being able to hear the other person's. How does this show up if we're not differentiated? We collapse to other's, we cutoff, we take on the other's ideas or feelings.

• Attachment theory: Many of us have heard of "anxious" "avoidant" "disorganized" attachment theories. The whole idea is that we learn to relate to one another without becoming overly independent or hypervigilant. Attachment can have roots in childhood whether it be family or friendship.

• Experiential learning: Neuroscience is a big part of this theory and how I practice. At our body's core, each of us has to keep our nervous system "regulated" to be able to express to be heard and listen to hear. This shows up in session. I will gently point out when I'm noticing any somatic cues that might mean we need to refocus and regulate.

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This model teaches me that to be in relationship, we each need our own identity, while holding our identity as a couple and our partner's identity. I use these concepts in my own partnership and with other relationships in my life. 

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This model is excellent for Couples Therapy and other adult or adult and child relationships.

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